Wednesday, April 10, 2024
Valentine's Day often brings a lot of fluff. But let's cut through the BS and focus on creating genuine connections - with your partner, friends, family, and most importantly, with yourself.
1. With Your Partner: Skip the cliché gifts. Instead, share stories. Talk about your favorite memories together, or plan your dream vacation. It’s about quality time, not store-bought chocolates.
2. Reconnect with Friends and Family: Write a heartfelt note or make a quick call. Remind them why they’re special. It’s these little things that often mean the most.
3. Embrace Self-Love: Being a veteran, you've shown incredible strength. This Valentine's, do something that celebrates you. A long walk, a favorite book, or even a quiet moment to reflect - choose what feels good for you.
4. Create New Traditions: Start a Valentine's tradition that’s uniquely yours. Maybe it’s a movie night or cooking your favorite meal. Make it meaningful to you and your loved ones.
5. Volunteer Together: Giving back is a powerful way to connect. Find a local charity or community project. It’s a shared experience that can bring you closer.
6. Stay True to Yourself: Don’t get lost in the commercial side of Valentine's. Stay true to what you and your loved ones really enjoy. Authenticity is key to real connections.
Remember, Valentine's Day is just one day. The bonds you nurture every day are what truly matter. This year, let's go beyond the superficial and cultivate connections that last.
Stay strong and connected.
The Build Up Your Relationship Bootcamp is based off of Dr. Cheryl Fraser's work in the Sex, Love and Elephants podcast, episodes 37-40, that can be found here.
If you want to complete the Build Up Your Relationship Bootcamp by Valentine's Day, you'll need to begin on January 17th, but really you can start any time.
Here's how it works:
Week 1 Touch (Jan 17-23) - Focus on touching your significant other. If you're up to it, every day for the next week your homework is to give your partner a three breath hug. How this works is you line up your hearts and give a hug that lasts for three breaths. The second part of your homework is to kiss your sweetheart before you go to bed (with tongue, sensually). If your relationship is strained or not at this place, you can work toward it. If you're not in a relationship and you're focused on yourself, you can give yourself a hug daily.
What is being in the military without a checklist? You can find the Build Up Your Relationship Bootcamp Checklist here.
Week 2 Talk (Jan 24-30) - Focus on talking to your significant other. Talk about one thing you appreciate about them for 5 minutes, and give detailed examples. Be thoughtful about it. Are they generous with others? Are they always thinking of ways to keep you safe? Are they a good provider? You can talk with them about your appreciation or you can write them a note. The homework is to continue doing the things you did in week one along with daily appreciation of your significant other. If you're not in a relationship, then journal about the things you appreciate about yourself.
Week 3 Tease (Jan 31-Feb 6) - This week is all about anticipation and thoughts. Your assignment this week is to send a sexy text or voice message. Here are a few ideas, but you can google for more. "What parts of my body drive you wild and why?" "I can't wait to show you tonight, I have some new lingerie." "In your hottest fantasy, what's your most outrageous place you imagine us doing it?" "What kind of erotica, if any turns you on?" "Name one place you'd like to be taken for some oral pleasure?" You can put a note in their lunch box or put a post-it in the bathroom too. If you're focusing on yourself, you could write a What I Love About You note to yourself. Continue with week 1 & 2 homework.
Week 4 Tantalize (Feb 7-13) - This week is about tantalizing with touch. Get a good massage oil and give a hand or foot massage. Don't expect anything in return, but maybe another day they might return the favor. Stroke or massage their hand or foot gently with your thumbs. (You can search YouTube to learn how.) If your relationship is in a place where you are having sex, you could try changing up the routine by taking your partner close to climax and then backing off and stroking or nibbling other places before bringing them back up. If you're not in a relationship you might schedule a massage for yourself and think positive thoughts about yourself while on the table. Continue with week 1, 2 & 3 homework.
Here's that checklist again to help you keep on track!.
Sometimes MST experiences can interfere with building romantic relationships, if the emotional wounds are not healed. A viewer of the newsletter asked for more MST resources, and I felt this is the right time to share.
First I'll say, if you experienced MST while serving, I am sorry. If ever I had known that any of my sisters were being harmed, I would have stepped in to help. Because I wasn't there for you then, I am here for you now. I love you, and I hope that you will find all of the healing you need to move forward in loving relationships, if your past experiences are interfering in any way for you today.
The Pink Berets help women with MST through programs including individual, group, family, culinary art, equine therapy and more. https://thepinkberets.org/
Taking Back Ourselves offers a weekend of recovery for women survivors of MST. https://takingbackourselves.org/
Protect Our Defenders honors, supports, and gives voice to the brave men and women in uniform who have been raped or sexually assaulted by fellow service members. https://www.protectourdefenders.com/
Battered Women's Justice Project - Military Advocacy Resource Network provides technical assistance, resources, and support for all advocates who work with victims of domestic violence/sexual assault/stalking and dating violence perpetrated by military personnel or veterans. https://bwjp.org/
The VA offers MST resources and an app. https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/msthome/index.asp
Give an Hour is a mental health service volunteer community that offers counseling to veterans regardless of the time when they served. (No Post-9/11 limiting language). https://giveanhour.org/military/
Operation Tohidu has a retreat for female MST survivors who live in or around the MD, VA, DE, PA, NY area. All expenses such as travel, rooms, meals covered. You will be reimbursed for baggage fees. They are offering some in-person and virtual programs. https://melwood.org/veterans-services/operation-tohidu
Save A Warrior is a program that offers intensive therapy for MST. They have two locations, one in California and the other in Ohio. The program itself is covered completely, the Service Member is responsible for their own travel arrangements. https://saveawarrior.org/apply/
PTSD Foundation has a retreat for self growth and connection to other sisters. It is for MST and other issues. Active duty, reservist and first responders are eligible. Living accommodations are in a beautiful cabin outside of Seattle, WA. The food is amazing, and zero cost to the Veteran. https://ptsdfoundation.org/
Let's get you working toward healing your past wounds and moving into healthy relationships. I hope these resources help you.
Military Sexual Trauma (MST) is recognized by the VA as a serious issue affecting many veterans. This guide provides key insights into MST and how to pursue VA benefits and compensation for related mental health conditions like PTSD.
Defining MST
MST refers to experiences of sexual harassment, assault, or rape within the military context. It encompasses non-consensual sexual activities, coercive behavior, and unwelcome sexual advances. The VA is committed to supporting veterans recovering from MST.
Scope and Statistics
MST is more common than often reported. In the past few years, the U.S. Department of Defense received nearly 9,000 reports of sexual assault per year involving service members. Studies indicate higher MST rates among female and younger veterans, and it is estimated that more than two-thirds of all occurrences go unreported.
Impact on Veterans
MST can lead to long-term mental and physical health issues, including PTSD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and an increased risk of homelessness for female veterans. Symptoms often include nightmares, safety concerns, emotional challenges, and relationship difficulties.
Diagnosis and Treatment
Diagnosis involves completing questionnaires like the Sexual Experience Questionnaire and the Sexual Experiences Survey. Treatment options include professional help, lifestyle changes, mindfulness, optimism practices, peer support, and therapies like exposure therapy and cognitive restructuring.
VA Claims for MST
Filing a claim involves linking MST to conditions like PTSD. The VA has adjusted evidence standards for MST claims, considering indirect evidence and "markers" that suggest MST occurrence. Essential components for a claim include a current diagnosis, evidence of an in-service event, and a connection between the condition and military service.
Evidence and Proving MST
Proving MST for a VA claim can be challenging due to underreporting. However, various forms of evidence are accepted, including medical records, personal diaries, relationship changes, and buddy letters. VA Form 21-0781a is specifically designed for MST claims.
VA Benefits and Resources
Veterans with MST-related conditions may be eligible for free treatment and counseling, as well as other VA benefits. The VA offers specialized programs and resources, including the Beyond MST Mobile App, to support the well-being of MST survivors.
If you’re a veteran affected by MST, I hope you’ll seek out the support you deserve.
* Content adapted from VA Claims Insider Blog.
CEO Of Women Warriors Connect
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